not really sure about the conduit but there it is. . . maybe since my daughter is about to be married it has been on my mind a lot. plus my son's heartache. :(
been thinking about
raising kids too.
sometimes i think i have been most ineffective and maybe they all just have to find their own way. but then i turn around and think of what my mom did for me and what life would have been without her in it. she was not perfect, but her heart was. and she cared and she listened and i knew she loved me.
she did not always listen when i wanted her to. she was sometimes away when i would have wished her to be there. in other words, she was not perfect and just what i wanted her to be. none of us are is the thing ~ but she was more than enough. not only that, she has continued to be one of the best friends I have ever had in this life. she has always been there for me, always stood by me through thick and thin.
i remember when i was a teen and one of my friend's sisters wanted to do something and i said, "i will have to ask my mom."
she retorted, "do you have to talk to her about everything?" i thought that was so odd! i looked at her and said, "yes."
i could not for the life of me figure out why i would not wish to consult and share with the one who loved me best (next to Jesus) and who wanted the best for me. why would you not want to ask advice, share trials and joys? who knows you better for most of your life than your mom? who wants good for you and not bad more than your parents?
of course her mom wasn't like mine.
come to think of it most of my friend's moms weren't like mine. i am blessed!
so i hope my kids know i love them and i am here for them. i am not perfect or just what they want me to be ~ i can never be that. i am just me doing the best i can where i am and that brings me to marriage:
i guess you just have to start with someone you like and then you make it work. you enjoy the good times and you work your butt off when it’s not good. when it gets really hard and i want to quit, the truth of why i stay and don't throw my ring in the bottom of the pool is simply this.
i like him.
he is not perfect, but his heart is. most times.
he has a**hole in him just like i have b**ch in me and it comes out in force sometimes - but he has so much else too. i get to choose what i focus on and when its good, man, nothing can beat it! and ya know, most of it has been so so good. there are no easy answers or formulas.
what is a good reason to get married?
i have to tell you i don't know.
i don't really know why i got married.
i never wanted to get married.
i still ponder that one.
but i know i am better here than where i would be now if i had not joined my life with his. it has been a crazy ride, but i always liked roller coasters, so it’s all good. when he sends me a text that says "you are so beautiful to me. I love you." and that is what i start my day with - i know my life is good. i am so blessed in so many ways. it is worth the work and the hard times. it is worth the nights crying and trying to figure out how to fix what is broken. cuz when its good, it’s great. many settle for middle of the road not awful but not great in life. i can't do that. i'm not saying it’s good or bad, right or wrong. i'm just saying i can't live like that. it is like eating lukewarm ramen noodle to me. i prefer steak and if i have to work my butt off to get that steak, then i am willing to do that. i am not willing to live a pseudo-existence lying to myself that this is life, that this is what i was put on earth to endure, telling myself that this is a life worth living.
not for me it’s not.
i have no idea how this relates to the rise and fall of the roman empire, but they are connected somehow. lol thanks for reading :)
sometimes i think i have been most ineffective and maybe they all just have to find their own way. but then i turn around and think of what my mom did for me and what life would have been without her in it. she was not perfect, but her heart was. and she cared and she listened and i knew she loved me.
she did not always listen when i wanted her to. she was sometimes away when i would have wished her to be there. in other words, she was not perfect and just what i wanted her to be. none of us are is the thing ~ but she was more than enough. not only that, she has continued to be one of the best friends I have ever had in this life. she has always been there for me, always stood by me through thick and thin.
i remember when i was a teen and one of my friend's sisters wanted to do something and i said, "i will have to ask my mom."
she retorted, "do you have to talk to her about everything?" i thought that was so odd! i looked at her and said, "yes."
i could not for the life of me figure out why i would not wish to consult and share with the one who loved me best (next to Jesus) and who wanted the best for me. why would you not want to ask advice, share trials and joys? who knows you better for most of your life than your mom? who wants good for you and not bad more than your parents?
of course her mom wasn't like mine.
come to think of it most of my friend's moms weren't like mine. i am blessed!
so i hope my kids know i love them and i am here for them. i am not perfect or just what they want me to be ~ i can never be that. i am just me doing the best i can where i am and that brings me to marriage:
i guess you just have to start with someone you like and then you make it work. you enjoy the good times and you work your butt off when it’s not good. when it gets really hard and i want to quit, the truth of why i stay and don't throw my ring in the bottom of the pool is simply this.
i like him.
he is not perfect, but his heart is. most times.
he has a**hole in him just like i have b**ch in me and it comes out in force sometimes - but he has so much else too. i get to choose what i focus on and when its good, man, nothing can beat it! and ya know, most of it has been so so good. there are no easy answers or formulas.
what is a good reason to get married?
i have to tell you i don't know.
i don't really know why i got married.
i never wanted to get married.
i still ponder that one.
but i know i am better here than where i would be now if i had not joined my life with his. it has been a crazy ride, but i always liked roller coasters, so it’s all good. when he sends me a text that says "you are so beautiful to me. I love you." and that is what i start my day with - i know my life is good. i am so blessed in so many ways. it is worth the work and the hard times. it is worth the nights crying and trying to figure out how to fix what is broken. cuz when its good, it’s great. many settle for middle of the road not awful but not great in life. i can't do that. i'm not saying it’s good or bad, right or wrong. i'm just saying i can't live like that. it is like eating lukewarm ramen noodle to me. i prefer steak and if i have to work my butt off to get that steak, then i am willing to do that. i am not willing to live a pseudo-existence lying to myself that this is life, that this is what i was put on earth to endure, telling myself that this is a life worth living.
not for me it’s not.
i have no idea how this relates to the rise and fall of the roman empire, but they are connected somehow. lol thanks for reading :)
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